Alone in the dark
by LittleNK
Summary: A side story of Turn back time.A story from Sai's Pov since the day he was born. Don't you wonder how Hikaru create another personalities?
1. When my eyes opened

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

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A/N : This is a side-story of " Turn back time". It's from Sai's view. It'll be a **drama **just like the main story. If you don't like Turn back time, this is definitely not your match. 

Blahblahblah : a talk

_Balhblahblah : a thought_

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**Alone in the dark**

**Chapter 1 : When my eyes opened**

Do you still remember the first time you opened your eyes?

Do you still remember the first thing you saw?

I bet you don't, you were still young back then, just a baby.

But I bet the first thing you saw is a light, maybe just a ceiling light in a nursing room in a hospital.

But I'm sure that the first thing you saw is a light.

Unlike me, I still remember the first time I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw, it was nothing but darkness.

I didn't know how you felt when you had brought into life. For me, it was like I finally woke up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes and found myself sitting alone in theunbounded darkness. I looked around but I saw nothing. The darkness seemed to spread everywhere into infinity. I looked down at the floor and saw my reflection. I was a boy. I touched my face gently. My eyes were green and my hair was blond.

" Where am I?" Looking up, I whispered, " What am I doing here?" I asked myself but I didn't find an answer.

" Hello, is anybody here..e..ee?" The darkness only sent back a faint echo to me, " Hello..o..oo," the result was the same. Nobody answered my call. There was no point of standing here so I decided to leave.

As I stood up, I saw many small circle waves on the surface of the floor.

" It's not a mirror! I'm standing on the water!" At first, when I had seen my reflection on it, I had thought that it was made of glass, I had thought it was a mirror, " I'm standing on the water!"

_This is so cool…so amazing._ I hesitated to take a step. I was afraid of drowning. I carefully placed my toe on the surface to examine it, the moment that my bare foot touched the water, the ripples scattered all over the surface. I took a deep breath and stepped out firmly, the water splashed but I didn't drown. I could stand and walk on the water.

So I started walking. At the beginning, it was very exciting to see those small waves on the surface but after walking for…I didn't know how long, the excitement faded and a growing sense of fear came to replace it.

I saw no one, I saw nothing except emptiness and this boundless darkness that accompanied me. Suddenly, I heard a voice …such a grief whimper.

" Someone is here, he is crying," I told myself quietly and kept walking attempting to find that person.

The voice was getting louder and clearer, finally I found him.

I didn't know if that person was a boy or a girl. It was hard to judge when the said person was crying, sitting on his heels with his arms around his knees, hanging down his head as if he wanted to shut himself from the world. All I could see was someone in a white shirt and white pants and had the same hair color as I had.

That person didn't notice me, he was still weeping. I took a few steps closer to him.

" Hey, are you okay?" Placing my hand on his trembling shoulder, I asked him mildly.

" I…I…" He looked up and faced me. As almost immediately that our eyes met, we lost our speech. Our eyes widened, our jaws dropped, none of us was able to say anything.

" Wow…" Slowly standing up, he was the one who spoke out first.

" Yeah," I knew what he meant by ' Wow'.

" Wow…you look…" he didn't finish saying it but I understood. He took a step to his right, I took a step to mine, we were walking in circle facing each other.

" Yeah,"

" I..You…We.." he was so astonished, so was I.

" Yeah, I know, we…we look exactly the same," he couldn't say it by himself so I did it for him…for us.

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A/N : I bet you know who the crying boy is. I'm looking for a fic in this web.I don't remember its title. I only remember that it's about Ogata played a game with Hikaru in his personal game room. And when he won he requested Hikaru for a kiss. 

Plus, I'm looking for Ogata's Dojin called " Consider Age" or " Considerer l'age", Do anyone know where can I find it?


	2. Hikaru and me

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

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**Chapter 2 : Hikaru and me**

We looked exactly the same in every detail, just like an identical twin. We both shared the same shade of green eyes, our bleached bangs and the same height. We even were in the same dress.

" Wow," he kept looking at me, so did I. Ididn't blink a single time since I had seen his face, " Where're you from?" he asked curiously.

" I…I don't know," I whispered.

" You don't know?" My answer surprised him.

" No, I don't," I repeated sadly, " And you?"

" I don't know either," Stopping circling, he hung his head down in shame.

" You don't know either?" It was my turn to be surprised, " Do you know where we are? What is this place? What are we doing here? How do we get out?" _Maybe he knows the way out._I thought optimistically. He only gave me a sad smile and shook his head a little.

" You don't know either," It was hard to hide my bitter disappointment after losing all my hope, my legs got weak and I slowly knelt down on the floor.

He walked to me and patted my shoulder, " Don't worry," he smiled tenderly, " We'll get out of here together,"

" Really?" I doubted that. I couldn't see the possibility. There was only the two of us in the darkness. Still, there was a glimmer hope in his eyes.

" Of course, two heads one better than one, right?" he chuckled lightly. Somehow I was delighted to see him laugh, " As long as we're together, everything will be alright," he assured me.

" As long as we're together," For an unknown reason, I beamed with happiness.

" Shindou Hikaru," he pulled me up from a kneeling position, " My name is Shindou Hikaru," he addressed himself, " Who are you anyway? How come you look like me?"

" My name is…I'm …" I stammered. All of a sudden, I realized that I didn't even know my name, "…I don't know,"

" You don't know who you are?" he folded his eyebrows in disbelief.

I wrinkled my forehead as I thought back into my memory trying to remember who I was. But… " I…I don't know, I can't remember anything," my face turned pale with fear.

" Amnesia?" he uttered soundlessly. I shook my head in confusion, the idea of losing memory made my blood run cold.

" I..I mean, you don't know?" I stared at him hopefully.

" What?" He was taken aback by my question.

" I mean, Don't you know who I am? We're so alike, maybe we're brothers..twin brothers," I clarified.

"…Sorry but I'm the only child in the family," he stated with confidence.

" Oh,…me too, I remember that I don't have any brother or sister," I declared.

"…."

"..A..Are you my shadow?" I asked in doubt.

" Shadow doesn't talk," he noted, " It's more convincing when you said we were twins. But you know what, I think even twins don't look completely the same like us. We're like the same person," he laughed cheerfully.

_The same _person? I unhurriedly observed him closely. Then an unusual thought crossed my mind. I pinched myself.

" Ouch," I cried out.

" Ouch!" he jumped by the sudden pain, " What the…" he gazed at me in wonder. Then he did exactly what I wanted him to do. He pinched himself.

" Ouch!" _I hurt too?_

" Unbelievable..we're..you and I…we're…" he stuttered.

" The same person," I concluded.

" You," he pointed his finger at my chest, " are me," then he pointed at his chest.

" I'm you," I spoke firmly.

" And I'm you," he pointed at his chest first, then at mine.

" Yes, you're me," I confirmed.

" But how? We can't be the same person. There is only one Shindou Hikaru," this odd event was hard to believe.

" Then how do you gonna explain about what has just happened?" I queried him. It was undeniable and unquestionable that we were the same person.

" But…but…" he wanted to protest the idea but he couldn't find a right reason. I said nothing and let him think for a while. To be honest, I needed sometime to think about this situation too.

" Okay, Okay," It looked like he was trying to clam himself. " Let's go," he suggested wisely.

" Good idea," I agreed.

" Let me introduce myself again, Shindou Hikaru," he grinned widely as he reached out for my hand.

" Nice to meet you, Pal, I'm you," Smiling happily, I wondered why I felt so content when I saw his smile, " Shindou Hikaru,"

" Then how do I call you?" It was a good question. How did we call another " us" ?

"Umm, Hikaru?" I proposed uncertainly.

" But I wanna be Hikaru!" he raised his voice, " I'll call you Shindou," he decided that by himself without asking for my opinion.

" Don't you think it's weird to call another you ' Shindou' ?" I commented questioningly.

"…Ah, yeah, very weird," he nodded in agreement, " But we both can't be Hikaru, it's confusing!"

" You're right, how about one of us be Hikaru, the other get a new name?" I put forward another idea.

" That's brilliant! I'll be Hikaru!" he said it like a spoiled baby.

" I'm the one who come up with the idea!" I objected.

" But I'm the one who remember our name!" he retorted sharply.

_He's correct, I don't even know who I am._ " Fine, you can be Hikaru," I sighed in frustration of losing the name. He smiled from ear to ear as he gained the victory over our little dispute.

" So, how do I call you?" he asked me good-naturedly.

"…I don't know," Sadness appeared all over my face. I didn't know who I actually was, It was true that I was Shindou Hikaru. I was him and he was me but I had no memory. If Hikaru didn't tell me who we were, I couldn't possibly find out by myself. Now he got the name and I had to create the new one but I didn't know how to. I didn't even know how to call myself, I remembered nothing, I hadn't any inspiration.

" Sai," Hikaru spoke up.

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A/N : Now you know how Sai got his name . 

**kathy :** You get confused? Err..this is what happened when Hikaru fainted for the first time...this is happened in **his mind**. You know, when he created another personalities.

**gravitation gig : **No, this is **not** a continueation of finding seiji. This is** a side story** **of Turn back time. **The contiuneation of Finding Seiji will be come out after this fic is over.


	3. The fan

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

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**Chapter 3 : The fan**

_What? _" What?"_ What's Sai? Who is Sai? Is someone else here?_ I looked around, there was nobody else but the two of us.

" It's you, silly," Hikaru pointed at my forehead.

" Eh?" I didn't get it. _What's he talking about?_

" Sai, From now on I'll call you ' Sai'," he declared.

" Sai?" I repeated my name softly.

" Yes," he strongly confirmed.

" Sai," I whispered the name silently.

" Don't you like it?" he looked a little worried.

" No! No! I love it!" Suddenly I shouted out loud.

" Great, Nice to meet you, Sai," he reached out his hand again.

" Nice too meet you too, Hikaru," Shaking our hands, I greeted him lively. At that second, I knew I meant to be here…with him…together forever.

Then I started walking again but this time it was different. This time I wasn't alone, this time I had Hikaru. I wasn't scared anymore. With him by my side, if we were together, everything would be fine.

We kept searching for the way out but there was no sign of it. Out of the blue, I remembered something.

" Ne," I called him.

" Hmm?"

" Why did you cry?" I had been so shocked back then, I had totally forgotten to ask him that. He abruptly stopped walking and remained in silent.

" Hikaru?" I worried. I thought I just hit a touchy subject.

" …I did something bad to my friend," he desperately fought back the tears.

" Hikaru,"

" I…I just wanted to play Go with him," Telling me painfully, his tears began to run down his face. We decided to sit down as he narrated his story and about the boy named Touya Akira. He told me the whole thing ; how they met, the game they played together, how Hikaru beat him and how Touya reacted after losing to him.

" I..I..I didn't mean to..hur.. hurt him," he wept despairingly, " He's my..fri.. friend but I..I ," he burst out into tears.

" Hikaru! It's not your fault! You're a better player, That's all! You're a genius! Isn't that great?" I tried to cheer him up.

" Then I don't want to be a genius anymore!" he exploded furiously. Out of no where, an elegant black fan appeared in his right hand.

_Where is this fan come from? I'm sure that he didn't hold anything when we met!_ Before I could say a word, he shouted wrathfully.

" **I don't want it anymore! I don't want to be a genius!"** he hurled the fan toward but…

" What the! How!" he exclaimed in disbelief when he looked at his hand and the fan was still in it. I didn't know how this could happen. I swore that I saw the fan flied into the darkness.

He threw it away violently with all his force but the fan still existed in his hand. I watched as he continued throwing, throwing and throwing…10…20…40 times I didn't know but he couldn't get rid of it, the fan kept emerging from the emptiness. It was still there… in his hand.

" Arrz!" Losing all his energy and his hope, he despairingly fell down on his hands and knees, he bent down his head to the floor, **" Why! Why! Why!"** he cried his eyes out, " Why, God, why…" he whimpered mournfully.

I didn't know why but seeing him crying in sorrow like this…I didn't know how to explain it. It was like my heart was stabbed with a knife. I had never felt like this before but I did know that I didn't like it a bit. All I wanted was to see Hikaru to be happy again.

_I don't want him to cry, I'll do anything for you, Hikaru, Please, Don't be sad, I'll do anything, anything._

" Why this stupid fan still comes back!" Waking me up from my world, he hollered heatedly and sadly.

_What if…_ I approached near him. I slowly placed my arm around his shoulder. I smiled kindly as I delicately took the cursed fan from him.

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A/N : I bet you know what the black fan represents for. 

Ahhh, after 2 long days that I can't log in...so I give you 2 chapter in a row today.


	4. The forest

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

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**Chapter 4 : The forest**

" What are you doing?" he demanded.

" Since you can't shake it off, I'll keep it for you," I told him my purpose.

" A..Are you sure?"

" 100 sure," I guaranteed.

" But…"

" We're the same person, remember? I'll do this for you, for me, for both of us," I stated confidently.

" …But I have nothing to give back to you," Hikaru said it in shame.

" I don't want anything in return, you're not a stranger to me, I want you to be happy,"

" How can I be happy if I take an advantage from you!"

_He has a heart of gold._ I thought joyfully.

" I know it! I know what to give back to you! You said you didn't remember anything, right?" he asked dynamically, I shook my head.

" Then I gave you all my memory!" he shouted merrily.

" A what?"

" Memory, my memory, our memory, I'll tell you all what I know, what I remember," he made it clear.

" …Sounds fair enough," I nodded.

" Good, Let's start, I am, no, we're the only child but we're lonely, we grow up with Akari and Ken-chan. Once we…."

Sitting right there, right then, Hikaru started telling me about our family, our little adventure, how we got lost when we did the grocery by ourselves for the first time, the secret fort that we and Ken-chan built together and how we convinced our grandpa to buy us a PS2.

As he carried on telling me every little thing that had happened in our life, I saw the surface of the floor turned from water into soil. New shoots started growing up from it. They continued growing up fast. Hikaru didn't notice it. Moving his hand in the air, he was still telling me about his remarkable and exciting experience. The more he got excited, the faster the shoot grew. When he finished his story, we found ourselves surrounding by thousands hectares of forest.

" What the hell…since when?" Finally, Hikaru noticed it. We looked around. There were various trees ; Oaks, Umbrella Pines, Birches, Chestnuts, Ginkgoes, Maples, Willows, Almonds and Walnuts. Acorns, cones and different kind of nuts were on all over the ground.

" Hikaru, try this," I put something into his mouth without any warning forcing him to eat it.

" …Yummy, where did you get it?" Chewing experimentally, he asked me.

" Check these out," Smiling suspiciously, I showed him a small bush that I found.

" Berries?" he wondered.

" Raspberries, Blackberries, Gooseberries and Strawberries," I corrected.

" What? But how?" he called out in surprise.

" Shh…I think we have company," Covering his mouth with my hand, I whispered as quiet as I could.

" What!" he jumped in alarm.


	5. Neverland

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

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**Chapter 5 : Neverland**

It took us a few seconds to find our courage. Hikaru glanced at me and I nodded. I knew what he wanted to do, we were the same person after all. We slowly noiselessly turned around. And there it was!

A cute red squirrel was gnawing a hazelnut. It blinked as if it wanted to say ' What the hell are you looking at? Have you never seen a red squirrel before?'

He blinked, I blinked. We looked at each other and blew out a noisy laughter.

" It…It's just a squirrel!" he fell down laughing.

" Yeah, just a tiny squirrel!"

I guessed we laughed too loud, the squirrel got scared and climbed up a tree. We trailed off him and looked up to the sky.

The shining sun sent out a warming ray of light through the green leaves down to us. A light wind blew, carrying the scent of the earth. Nightingales, robins, finches and catbirds were singing happily together in this paradise.

" Wow," I didn't know what else to say.

" I think something is behind the bush," Hikaru headed to the gooseberry bush not far away and…

" Wow, Sai, take a look at this," he called me.

Three baby wolves were playing with their mother enjoyably. Not wanting to disturb them, we smiled and stepped backward without a sound like a ghost.

Another me wanted to explore the forest. Walking hand in hand, we started our exploration. Monkeys were on the tree while a fox was chasing a rabbit on the ground. A big black bear was at a river trying to catch a salmon, near by a moose and her baby was eating green moss when a golden wildcat was sleeping, we looked at them in excitement. We kept walking until we reached the edge of the forest. In front of us was a wide field covering with tall green grass, a large blue lake and a huge waterfall. A light breeze blew softly, the tall grass in the field swayed gently rippling like a wave. Colorful butterflies and dragonflies were flying in the air. A lion family was lying lazily under a big tree in the middle of the field while a beaver was busy collecting sticks to build a dam. At the lake, a couple of swan was gliding gracefully while a mother duck tried to teach her babies how to swim. Few giraffes seemed to have a hard time as they tried to drink water in the lake. On the contrary, bluebirds and sparrows were singing without any discomfort same as a roe deer was just standing still showing his elegant antlers.

" Where're they from?" Walking to the field, Hikaru said in awe.

" You create them," I answered.

" What? ME? You gotta be kidding!" he didn't believe me.

" I'm serious! When you told me your..our story, the tree started to grow!" I boldly told him what I saw.

" But..but..but,"

" Ne, why don't you try…" I suggested.

" Try what?"

" Why don't you picture something in your mind and see if it really appear?" I rapidly came out with the idea just a second ago.

" Eh?"

" Ne, Let's try," I shook his arm lightly.

"..Okay," he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, " Ummm," I looked around trying to see what would happen next.

" Kangaroos?" I exclaimed unexpectedly.

" What?" Hikaru opened his eyes immediately. The first thing he saw were four kangaroos jumping in the air, one of them had a joey in her pouch, " I can't believe it, they actually become real!"

" You think of them? Of kangaroos? " He nodded slowly, " Wow, ..Are you God?"

" No! Don't be silly!"

" But how…"

" It's your turn," he cut me off.

" Huh?"

" If I can do this, so can you," he pointed out.

" But I…"

" We're the same person, right? Everything I can do, so can you," he confirmed with assurance.

"…I'll try," I closed my eyes and imagined something in my mind.

" You can open your eyes now," he told me.

Three eucalyptus trees were standing in front of us, a koala was sleeping on each one of them.

" Impossible," It couldn't be true.

" See? I've told you," Grinning, he turned to the lion, " Come here, boy, come here," he was on his knees calling it.

" Hikaru! It's dangerous!" I shouted in panic.

" It's okay," he told me airily.

" How can it be okay! It's a lion! It's going to kill you!" I hollered in terror.

" How can he harms us when we're the one who create him," he commented sensibly.

" But, Hikaru,"

" Come here, boy," the big powerful lion walked straight to us when it heard his calling.

" Hi..ka..ru," Hiding behind his back, I was so scared. _It comes! It's coming!_

" Easy, Sai, it's just a big kitten,"

" A Big Kitten? It's a Lion! Hikaru, A LION!" I yelled into his ear.

" Ouch! You don't have to shout!" he cried out loudly.

" Hikaru, the lion," Burying my face in his back, I closed my eyes, my body was trembling with fear.

" Sai, he's so cute," Hikaru was amazed. I opened my eyes little by little. I saw him gently stroked its head like it was a puppy. The lion seemed to be comfortable by his touch. " Sai, he's so soft, Touch him,"

" It doesn't bite, right?" I said with my greatest fear.

" Don't call him ' It', he has a name, right? Poji," Cupping its face in his hands, he kissed Poji, the lion.

" Hikaru! It's going to eat your head!" _Are you crazy! Wait, if he's crazy, so am I! Am I crazy!_

" Poji won't hurt me," he declared stably, " Right, Poji, you will never hurt me, right?" heacted like a new daddy playing with his new born baby.

" Hikaru, Stop it," I tried to pull him away from Poji, " It's a lion not a dog, it's not safe!"

" But he's not just a lion, he's Our lion," he pushed me close to Poji instead.

" Hi..Hikaru, I..It…It's going to kill me!" I stammered as I saw it's moving toward.

" Still, Still," he instructed me. Poji looked into my eyes and licked my face. " Stop, Stop it, haha, Stop it," I tickled.

" That's enough, Poji," Poji stepped back obediently as it heard Hikaru's order. " Good boy, good boy," Ruffling its head affectionately, Hikaru praised it with smile.

" For the last time, Hikaru, it's a lion not a dog, we can't trust on it," I stated seriously.

" We create him, he won't harm us," he strongly disagreed, " And stop calling him 'it'!"

_Umm…Maybe he's right._ " Okay, but we can't call him " Poji" , he's a lion, the king of all animals, not a dog,"

" I call him whatever I want. Besides, he likes this name, right? Poji," he asked him. Poji gave us a sharp sound in answer.

_I can not believe this._ " Fine, Poji," Accepting my defeat, I sighed.

" Great, Ne, Sai, Let's keep exploring," he suggested cheerfully, " Poji, com'on, boy," I let out another tiring sigh as I saw another me running happily along with the lion which thought that it was a dog.

Three of us found a small hill. We climbed up, as we reached at the top, we saw the ocean.

" Cool, Let's swimming," Hikaru didn't hesitate to run to the white beach. Poji speedily ran after him.

" What a big turtle! Look! A starfish! Look! Sai! Albatrosses!" he cried out joyfully.

" Hikaru, how do we get here?" I asked him solemnly when I finally got to the beach. The second that he heard my question, he stopped playing with Poji right away.

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A/N : What a long chapter! Well, I just want to describe this paradise in one chapter only. At first, I want the paradise became more ...abtracts...you know, just like " The Cell" then I think " Hey! Let's do it a simple way so people can understand easily" so the paradise became the forest. 

**Poji** : one of the most common and old fashion name for dog, just like you name your dog Mac or John..kind like that.

**siobhn01 :** Now you know - -"

**gravitation gig : **Thank you

About the continueation of Findind Seiji : I've revised the 1st chapter and divided it in 2 chapters. The 3rd chapter will come out after this fic is over. And believe me, I did change it from a one-shot to multi-chapters... or I should say many many chapters!


	6. When my eyes opened again

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go but Obata and Hotta Yumi do.

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**Chapter 6 : When my eyes opened again**

" I don't know," he let out a deep sigh in worry.

" What do you remember before you get here?" I had to question him since I didn't remember a thing.

" I was talking with Ken-Chan about err..," Turning away, he stuttered awkwardly.

" About you win over Touya Akira," I knew his thought. He nodded involuntarily.

" Yeah, I was talking to Ken-Chan in my room…everything went black then I woke up here and found you,"

"….."

" Forget about it and play," Swiftly he was back in a good mood.

" But…"

" Let's play," he splashed me with salty water.

" Hey!" I went into the water and splashed him too. We swam together until we were tired then we went back to the field in order to name all animals in our little paradise. Then…

" Ru..Hikaru, Hikaru," A voice from above called him.

" It's Ken-Chan, is he here?" Hearing the familiar voice, he quickly looked around searching for the man.

" I think, it comes from the sky, Hikaru," I marked cleverly.

" The sky?" Standing up, he looked up toward the cloud.

" HIKARU, Hikaru," the voice was still calling.

" Maybe, you're right," he commented.

" Of course, I am," I smirked arrogantly, " What are you gonna do next?"

" Me?" he looked bewilder.

" Yeah! He's calling you!"

" Sai, he's calling you too! We're the same person, How many times I have to tell you that?" he corrected me.

" ..Sorry, I forgot that, what should we do next?"

" Hikaru, Please wake up, Hikaru," I could tell from the voice that Takamiya Kenji was getting more and more worried. Looking up to the sky, I closed my eyes. I felt so light…like I was flying.

" S..Sai! You're flying!" Hikaru exclaimed in surprise and astonishment.

" What?" I opened my eyes at once._ I'm flying! I'm flying! But.. _" What should I do!" I panicked.

" Fly to the sky, Sai," he told me dreamily.

" What!" _You want me to do what!_

" Follow Ken-chan's voice, see what you can find," His voice was full with hope.

_Damn it! I hate when he gets that begging-puppy look._ " Okay, I'll be back in a minute," Then I flied higher, higher and higher through the cloud to the sun following Takamiya's voice. I closed my eyes since the sunlight was too bright.

As I opened my eyes again, a bright white light hurt my eyes, I blocked my eyes with my hand.

" Hikaru, Hikaru," I remembered this voice. It's Takamiya's.

" Hmm, so bright," I complained.

" Oh, Thank God, you wake up, you scared me to death, you know, you almost give me a heart attack!" A good looking young man babbled, " Are you okay? Hikaru,"

" Hikaru is fine, Takamiya-san," I replied politely. _He's maybe close to Hikaru…to us but this is the first time I meet him…_

" Takamiya-san? Where the hell is that comes from?" the medical student laughed lightly, " And why did you call yourself ' Hikaru ' anyway, man, that's wried, Are you sure that you're okay?"

" Since this is the first time we meet, I think it would be improper to call you ' Ken-chan' like the way Hikaru calls you," I informed him stilly._ Where am I anyway? Mangas, PS2, DVD player? Ah! I got it. This must be Hikaru's bedroom. He said we were here before we went to the forest._

" The first time we meet? We've known each other since…forever! Your head must knock the floor harder than I thought," Takamiya reached out his hand to check up my head but I moved back avoiding his hand. " What's wrong with you? You're acting weird, it's not like Hikaru that I know," he was a bit frustrated.

" It's because I'm not the Hikaru that you know," _I'm maybe Hikaru but..I'm Sai. Although I know who he is but it's because Hikaru told me a lot about him. I myself don't know him, he's a stranger to me._

" Oh, really, So..if you're not Hikaru then who are you?"

" Hikaru calls me ' Sai', you can call me the same,"

" Okay, **Sai**," he sighed in boredom, maybe he thought that I was only joking, " Where is Hikaru?" he demanded.

" Well, he's…" _Where is he? Is he still at the forest? How did I get here?_ I didn't know how to answer since I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.

" So? Where's he? Sai," Sniggering, Takamiya asked me again.

* * *

A/N : yeah, where's Hikaru? 

**gravitation gig : **Yeah, I accept it..Well,that's why I continueFinding Seiji he'll become...less innocent...just need a change.


	7. One body, two souls

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

" Blahblahblah" : a normal talk

_Blahblahblah : a thought_

/ Blahblahblah/ a voice in the mind ( Sorry, I don't know how to call it, Telepathy ?)

* * *

**Chapter 7 : One body, two souls**

/I'm here, Sai/

I jumped. I knew this voice._ Hikaru? Where are you?_

/ I didn't see you coming back so I followed you. When I reached the sun, I'm here/ He stated stilly. I could hear his voice inside my head but I couldn't see him.

_Hikaru, Where are you? _I looked around, there were only Takamiya and me. _I can't see you._

/ Sai, What are you wearing/ Out of the blue he changed the subject

_What! What kind of a question is that! We have a more important problem here, can't you see?_

/ Sai, Look at yourself, What are you wearing/ he demanded again.

_Of course, I dress the same, white shirt and white pan..t.._ I stopped arguing with him when I finally looked at myself. I was in a yellow T-shirt with long sleeves and shorts jeans._ What the…! Why am I in this dress?_

/ Sai, Turn to your left/

Although I didn't understand why he wanted me to do that, I did as I was told. All I saw was a bookshelf full with cartoon books. _So?_

/ …When you turned left, I intended to turn right but I couldn't. My body didn't follow my mind/

_What? What do you mean? Where are you anyway?_

/ Sai, this is our body but it's you who are controlling it now. I think I'm in your mind/

_What!_

" Hey," the future doctor interrupted our conversation, " So?"

" So what? Takamiya-san," I had already forgotten him.

" If you're Sai, where is Hikaru?" he repeated the question.

_Hikaru, what should I tell him? _Then Hikaru told me what to say.

" He is here..inside me,"

" What?"

" He says he wants sometime to think about stuff. He'll meet you later..when he's ready. I'll be in charge until he comes back," Ending the message, I nodded politely, " Nice to meet you again, Takamiya-san, My name is Sai,"

" Hikaru stops playing with me," the older boy was getting irritated, " First, you worried your mom by locking yourself in your room crying like a drain. Then, you fainted and freighted me to death," Looking intensely at me, he demanded, " So, stop playing and tell me what's going on,"

" I've already told you everything," I strongly answered.

" Hikaru,"

Giving him a cold icy stare, I only glared at him. I bet Hikaru had never done this since Takamiya was horrified by the look and searched deep into my eyes.

" Who are you?" he uttered in horror, " You're not my Hikaru,"

/ Sai, he is a trustworthy friend, we can trust on him, Tell him about us / Hikaru assured me.

So I told him everything…about the darkness, the first time I met Hikaru, the forest..I told him everything, everything. He just listened in a calm manner saying nothing. After I finished my..our story, his face turned white. He sighed heavily as he told…or rather ordered me not to tell anyone about this and meet him at his house the next day.

" Act as **normal** as you can," he gave me the last order before he left.

Once again, I did as I was told. I kept my mouth seal and acted like the way Hikaru did. The next morning, I woke up but something was different.

" Sai?" Hikaru called out my name.

/ Hikaru/ I knew that I was getting up but the weird part was I didn't intend to stand up. It seemed that my body moving by itself.

" Sai, I think I gain the body now," he informed me with certainty.

/ Eh/

" Let's talk to Ken-chan," He finished his breakfast in no time then we went to Takaimaya's house.

Hikaru swiftly went into Takamiya's room without knocking. The medical student was surrounded by many thick medical books. He was uneasy by his..our presence. It seemed that he didn't know that I was here either.

" Please, have a seat," he awkwardly said it.

" You don't need to be that polite! I come here for thousands times!" Another me blew off at full volume.

" Hikaru?" our older friend exclaimed in distrust.

" Yeah," Hikaru went straightly to his bed and sit on it, " Who else can it be?"

/ ME/

"……"

"...Oh, sorry,"

" …Hikaru..that's what I want to talk about," he sit next to him, " Do you know what happened yesterday?"

" You mean do I know about Sai?" he corrected him. The dark haired boy jumped by my name.

" Yes..yes, Do you know about Sai?"

" Of course, he's another me," Takamiya's eyes widened in shock.

" I ..I don't except you to know that," he was clearly uncomfortable about this, " Listen, Hikaru, Sai..Sai is another you,"

" I've known that!" Hikaru was getting bored.

" No, Hikaru, you don't understand what I mean…Do you know where Sai comes from?"

"….." _Sai?_

/ I don't know either/

" Sai..Sai is another you," the 20-year-old medical student slowly repeated, " Another your personality,"

" What?"

/ What! What is that/ Hikaru and I cried out in the same time.

Then Takamiya told us about a condition called " Double personalities". As far as I understood, Hikaru had suffered from the guilt…that victory over Touya Akira. Wanting to escape the real world and ditch his talent, his deep consciousness created the forest..created Sai…created me so I could take all his gift and all his guilt, then he could continue living normally.

It all made sense! I only brought to life for protecting him. That was the reason I felt so awful when he was sad. That was why I had decided to take away his fan!

Hikaru left the room as soon as Takamiya finished his theory. He ran as fast as he could to the nearest park.

" Sai, Are you here?" Panting out of breath, he called me.

/ Yes, I'm here/ _Where else can I be?_

" Did you hear what Ken-chan said?"

/ Every single word/

" What do you think about it?"

/…I think it's true…you're not my friend but my creator/

" What! I'm your friend! Another you! Not God!" he shouted angrily.

/ You create me. You're the creator, I'm the creation/

" Don't talk like that!" he exploded loudly. Luckily, there was nobody around here, " You're a person not a thing!"

/ …..I thought we were the same person..we're different but the same/

" We're,"

/ No, you create me. I'm just a part of you, not another you/

"….."

/ There is only Shindou Hikaru, you said that yourself. And it's you not me/

" US"

/ Hikaru/

" No matter they say, you're me, I'm you…Friends, equal friends, not God and his creation,"

Nothing I needed to say. He accepted me as his friend, his equal friend. I wanted nothing more. It was then I decided to protect him from anything, it was then that this boy became the reason I was.

* * *

**siobhn01 : **Yeah, it's hard to be Ken-chan, isn't it? 

**gravitation gig : **Well, yes, that's what he was born for , it's the reason he live.

**kathy: **Good to see you again :D


	8. Forever

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

* * *

**Chapter 8 : Forever**

Later Hikaru made Takamiya swear that he would never tell anyone.Well, it wasn't everyday that you greeted your neighbor and said, ' Hello, Auntie Mitsuko, What a loving day, Ah! By the way, your only son has double personalities condition,' I guessed he had no choice but swore.

That was how my life with Hikaru began. Most of the time he gained the body and I watched everything through the eyes in silent. I watched him studying, playing and chatting with his mom. I was always with him but no one knew or heard my voice except Hikaru. I became his personal ghost. I didn't mind that. It wasn't that I wanted the others anyway. The only one I wanted was Hikaru, always Hikaru. At nights, we met each other in the forest which he called " Neverland"…Yeah, just like " Peter Pan".

" Why did you name it ' Neverland' ?" I once asked him.

" So, we can be together forever, just Peter Pan who never ages," he answered with a sweet smile.

Occasionally he got tired, in that case, I would control the body and he would be the one who stay in silent. Mostly, we awoke at the same time, it was the reason why we knew what the other had done or what had happened though we didn't control the body but it didn't happen that way all the times. There was a time that we didn't know what happened, for example: when I got bored and slept in English class or when Hikaru was sleeping in Neverland recovering from a cold while I controlled the body, we called this state **" Sleep"**.

When one of us was in "**sleep state**", that one wouldn't know what was going on in the real world. Takamiya was confused by this **Awake-Sleep** condition. He said if one of us was awake, the other should sleep, there was no way that both of us could awake all together.

" It's unusual," that was what he said.

Hikaru didn't care about this. Maybe he thought that if there were possible to have two Shindou Hikaru then nothing was impossible any longer. If he didn't care, so did I. Besides, he loved me, he wanted me, so did I.

Takamiya wanted him to be normal again. He tried to **erase** me but he couldn't because my Hikaru didn't let him to.

" I'd rather die than losing him," Hikaru declared without a doubt, I almost cried by hearing that.

That was how we lived. We were together days and nights..always together. I truly believed that we would never be alone again. Just Hikaru and I together, it was meant to be.

I noticed that since the day I met him, he didn't show any interest in Go again but when the time passed by, a month after my birth, he realized that he loved Go than he had ever known. At first, I wanted to give him back his fan since now it seemed that he had already forgotten how to play the game but he refused my offer, He was afraid that I would disappear if he took it back.

It was his, his talent, but he chose to abandon it because of me so I offered myself to teach him the game.That was howI became his Go teacher. In the daytime, we played Go whenever we had time, at night-time we practiced the game together in Neverland. Soon I fell in love with the game too, I knew the reason why…because it was what Hikaru loved, if not I wouldn't even know the game. Without realizing, when I looked at the fan again, it changed its color. The black fan that he hated turned to be a white graceful Japanese traditional fan.

I cherished him. I treasured every moment we spent together…every laughter, every cry. He created me, I was here because of him, yet he had never boasted about it. He had never talked down to me even though he had every right to do so. On the contrary, he treated me as his best friend. Frankly speaking, he was the one who acted like a puppy as I was his owner. He was a good boy, that was why I loved him. He gave me the reason to live, I gave him my knowledge. That was know thing worked.

Takamiya seemed to figure out that I would never ever harm Hikaru. He saw no reason to get rid of me so he let us alone and kept my existence in secret. He became my…not friend…the only friend that I had was Hikaru…he became my acquaintance and my private doctor.

The left problem now was Hikaru. He felt guilty that I didn't play as much as he did. I told him hundreds time that it was fine but he didn't listen to me. Finally, he found a way out…A net-Go and I became the greatest internet-Go player in no time.

Days went by with joy, Takamiya now became Doctor Takamiya, Hikaru became an insei since he wanted to prove his ability to Touya Akira.

Touya Akira…I never liked that kid, I never did. As Hikaru's guardian, it was my duty to protect him but that kid hurt his feeling countless times. My Hikaru always considered that cold blood boy as his friend, still he looked down on Hikaru and regarded him as his enemy.

However, Hikaru was really enjoyed being the insei, no matter how much he loved me, it was necessary that he played with other kids.

I thought the happiness would last forever, I was wrong. The day that he set up the game between Touya-Meijin and me changed everything. I won, the Meijin declared his retirement. Blaming himself, Hikaru went out of control.

It was then I made the most important decision in my life. I decided to sleep..forever.

" Doctor Takamiya, I'll go now, please take care of him, look after him for me," I said sadly. The young doctor was shocked by my statement and my heartbreaking look.

" What do you mean? Where're you going?" he demanded.

" I'm going to **sleep** and never **wake up** again," I answered painfully.

" What! Why?" my doctor exclaimed in horror.

" I'm a harm for Hikaru. I should be the one who protect him but I hurt him instead,"

" What are you talking? You always protect him! No one loves him more than you! You've never hurt him!" He bewildered by my statement.

" And what happened just now? If I didn't win the Meijin, Hikaru wouldn't be like this," I retorted back.

" It's not your fault either! Damn it! Don't you guys get it! It's no one's fault! Touya decided that by himself! Why can't you guys understand!" he yelled angrily.

" He always thinks of me. I've told him many times to do as he wanted but he's never listened to me. He wants us to be happy together. He tries very hard to do it while I can't do anything for him. I'm always his burden," I told him my thought.

" That's not true! He has never thought that way! And he will never do!"

" Yeah, he's a good heart, hasn't he? That's why I love him so much," I smiled bitterly. "But I do nothing except holding him back. That's the reason I should go,"

" You can't go! Who's going to teach him a game? Who will play with him!" Doctor Takamiya tried to stop me.

" He's getting better every single day. He doesn't want me anymore. He can walk to the Hand of God alone without me," _He will find the Hand of God, I know he will._

" Forget about that damn Hand of God! What's about Hikaru himself? Don't you care how he feels? How much he will hurt? If you love him, you must stay here forever and protect him by yourself instead of asking me to do it for you!"

" Time will heal him. Soon he'll forget me," I gave him my last word. "Take care of him, promise me, protect him…" Then I closed my eyes and went back to the darkness.

* * *

A/N: This is the first time that I write a fic through…what should I say? Through the first person's view? I think I prefer the third eyes view better.

**siobhn01 & kathy : **Yeah, Sai is so PROTECTIVE.

**gravitation gig : **Now you know why it called " Neverland".

**kari :** Thank you, alwayslove to see a long comment( you made me blush )


	9. Alone in the dark again

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

* * *

**Chapter 9 : Alone in the dark again**

I didn't how long I had been sleeping since that day. All of a sudden, my eyes automatically opened. This time the first thing I saw was the ceiling. I called Hikaru but didn't get any answer. I knew right away what was going on since it wasn't the first time anyway. He must have been sick and lost his awareness. Following my instinct, I woke up.

Someone tried to help me get up, it was Doctor Takamiya.

" I can get up by myself, Doctor Takamiya," I told him calmly.

" Sai?" Hikaru had never been this polite, he knew in that second that it was me.

" Yes," I replied.

" It's been a while that you have been sleeping, And Hikaru?" the young doctor asked me anxiously.

" Don't worry, he's sleeping. He needs a rest," I stood up.

" Where are you going?" Still worried, he asked me.

" I'm going to take him back home so he can rest peacefully," I was about to leave. Then someone took my hand hastily.

" Wait! Shindou!What's going on!" Touya Akira shouted at me.

_Great, he's here..Ah! His father is here too _" Do-not-touch-me," Looking at him coldly, I said angrily. He slowly let go of my hand.

" Goodbye, Doctor Takamiya, Touya, Touya-Sensei," I left the room and went back home where I went straight to bed as soon as I got there.

* * *

Then I woke up again, this time I saw… 

" Hikaru!" In the darkness, Hikaru was lying in a glass coffin on a stage surrounding with thousands of burning candles. There was no animal, no tree, no forest or a lake!

" Hikaru!" As I reached him, I quickly took him out of the coffin and shook him hard in attempt to wake him up, " Hikaru! Wake up! Hikaru! Wake up! What happens! Hikaru! Hikaru!" but he didn't wake up.

" Who is it!" I heard a footstep. A yellow figure came out from the dark, " Poji?" Poji was still here, he drew closer to me. " Poji! What happens to him?" Knowing by heart that he couldn't speak, I still demanded him angrily. He sat by me, I saw a white paper in his mouth. " What is it?" The moment I took it away from his mouth, he vanished into the air. I looked at the paper in my hand. It was a letter…a letter from Hikaru.

_Dear Sai,_

_If you see this letter, it means that I'm gone. I decide to take a long **sleep** and have no intention to **wake up** for the second time. Ken-chan has told me about your decision…about your departure. You're wrong, my friend, if there's someone who should **sleep**, if there's someone who should vanish…disappear, that one should be me, not you. They all want you, Sai, not me. Touya wants you too. It was a mistake that I let you sleep. I'll make it right this time, I'll sleep forever._

_Sorry that I always take the body. It must be hard to stay in silent all the times. I'm so self-centered, please forgive me. So, from now on, you'll get whatever you should have had all along. You deserve it. I know that it's not enough compare to how selfish I am but I want to make it up to you. I'm sorry, my friend, I'm really sorry._

_I know that I've no right to ask you any favor but..please take care of mom and dad. Visit grandpa sometimes and be nice with our friends. Most important thing, please reach the Hand of God for me. I'm sure that you and Touya will find it. I know that you don't like him, am I right? Although you try to hide that from me, I know anyway. We're the same person, remember? Touya is a good guy, he isn't that bad, you know. He's not only my rival but also my good friend so take care of him, ok? I'm being selfish again, aren't I? _

_Even I'm sleeping now but I want you to know that I'm and will always be with you. Good luck, Sai, my friend, me best friend, my dear brother, my teacher…another me. I love you, don't ever forget that._

_...Forever love,_

_...Hikaru_

" NOOOO!" Screaming painfully, I felt like someone was taking away a half of my heart while I was still alive, I burst out into tears and woke up in our room. Takamiya was by my side. My face was wet by my tears.

" Hikaru? Are you okay? Do you have a nightmare?" Concerning him, he asked nervously. I gazed at him, he knew in that moment who I was, " Sai? What happens?"

" I'm about to ask you the same question,"

After that he told me everything. Hewas entering his house when a taxi had parked in front of ours. Hikaru had fainted again. He and Touya Akira had carried the body here. Touya had told him about his conversation with Hikaru and about Hikaru's last word.

" That Bastard!" I cursed wrathfully, " I should have known it, it's him again!"

" Sai, What happens? Where is Hikaru?"

I narrated a story from my side…about the letter. Now we switched our places, I was fully awake while he was asleep.

It took me weeks to pull myself together again. Hikaru was quite careful this time. He knew that if he just disappeared the way I had, I would walk the same path as he used to. That was why he left the letter. I decided to follow his request, I became a brand new Shindou-pro, a polite one. And yes, I still played Go. 

I myself didn't want to play the game anymore. What was the pointof playing it if Hikaru wasn't here? Actually what was the point of living if I hadn't him by my side?

It was because of him! Touya Akira, Oh god! I couldn't describe how much I hated him. Hatred and anger…wasn't enough. I didn't know how to put this strong feeling into words. I didn't even know if there was a word for it. I didn't know before that I was capable of having this kind of feeling. All I knew was I hated him. I really did. From the bottom of my soul, every living cell in this body was calling out his name with hatred.

But Hikaru loved him, he loved his arrogant boy. I tried my best to love him as the way Hikaru loved him but I couldn't. Comparing to the Hand of God, loving this boy was much much harder. I had thought love was strong but hatred was even stronger. So I pretended to be friend with him, to be nice with him. If Hikaru didn't ask me to, I swore to God, I would kill him. He was the one who made Hikaru disappear.

This was my life now. I was one of the brightest stars in the Go world. I was the most talented player that they had ever seen. Not only pros but everyone admired me.

Then what? What have I got?

I had everything that they dreamt for but I didn't have the only thing that I really wanted. I didn't have to reason to live, I didn't have Hikaru, therefore I had nothing. I forgot how to laugh since I didn't have to him to share my joy. That was why I always dressed in black and never laughed. I was alone again. Every night I slept, I went to our little world but Neverland existed no more. There was only Hikaru lying on the bed surrounding by the candles. That was it. That all I got : Candles and Sleeping Hikaru who never smiled back at me.

**Fin.**

* * *

A/N : Woo, what a sad ending! At first, I wanted Sai to be back in the darkness again like the day he was born but it's too sad. So I left him with Sleeping Hikaru. I don't know if you notice this but the conversation between Sai and Ken-chan in chapter 8 and 9 is the same as Turn back time chapter 1-2 . 

Thanks for all comment and all support. Let's enjoy Finding Seiji!

**kari : **Yeah, it's sad,isn't it? By the way,I'm gladyou like" I'll be back", there's a sequel called " He is back". If you read it, don't foeget to leave a review.

**siobhn01 :** If Hikaru didn't left the letter, Sai would have killed Akira by now.

**gravitation gig :** Yeah, so caring so protective.


	10. Behind the scene

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go.

* * *

**Behind the scene : The making of Alone in the dark**

Amano : Hello, I'm Amano, still remember me? I'm a retired journalist. Welcome to the making of Alone in the dark. Right now I'm sitting with the main actor in the movie. Hello, Shindou-kun.

Hikaru : Hi! Amano-san

Amano: So, Shindou-kun. Finally, Turn back time and Alone in the dark had ended.

Hikaru : ( nodding) Yes.

Amano : Tell us about the theme

Hikaru : Well, it's about how Sai was born and how he thought. When you watch it, you'll understand why he doesn't like Touya and why he doesn't laugh.

Amano : Compare to TBT, is it different?

Hikaru : Oh! Amano-san, Alone in the dark is very different from TBT.

Amano : Really? How so?

Hikaru : Well, first, in TBT, Ken-chan is the main actor but this movie is about all me…and another me. In TBT, they spent most of time in that game room talking about me but this one, we had to build a forest.

Amano : I see, in this movie, you almost played alone, how do you feel?

Hikaru : Well, it's kinds lonely, you know. All day long, there's only me in the studio, no Touya, no Waya nor the others.

Amano : Is it hard to be both Hikaru and Sai?

Hikaru : Of course, it's so confusing. I switched the line so often. Now I know how Eddie felt when he played Nutty Professor. Thank god that I didn't have to change the costume.

Amano : How about the feedback?

Hikaru : I must say that it's better than we thought. At first, LittleNK and I thought that the fan wouldn't like a sad ending but …the feedback is good.

Amano : So, Is there will be a sequel of this series?

Hikaru : No, I'm afraid not.

Amano : It means that Hikaru will never wake up?

Hikaru : Yeah, it's kinda sad but yes.

Amano : Well, we come to the most important question. Is there a chance that Sai, the ghost will come back?

Hikaru : I can't give you the answer yet. LittleNK and I share the same idea that if we gonna call him back, at least we should have a good reason to drag him out from the tomb.

Amano : How's about Touya-Sensei? Isn't he a good reason?

Hikaru : What do you mean?

Amano : Well, it's kinda sad if we keep him waiting for Sai, isn't it? He doesn't know that Sai is pass away 'coz you don't tell him.

Hikaru : ….Umm, I think Sensei just want a worthy rival, it doesn't have to be Sai.

Amano : Are you telling me that there's another worthy rival for him?

Hikaru: ( smiling)

Amano : Okay, Shindou-kun. Thank you for today.

Hikaru: Thank you, Amano-san.

* * *

( After the break) 

Amano : This is Amano, you're watching the making of Alone in the dark. Let's welcome our 2nd guest. Welcome to the show, Dr. Takamiya

Takamiya : Nice to meet you, Amano-san

Amano : Dr. Takamiya, I think what the fan wants to know the most about you is…Who are you? You just suddenly pop out in this series.

Takamiya : Well…Originally, I come from the manga by Rurika Fuyuki called " Druggist". It's about a young pharmacist who actually an alchemist.

Amano : An alchemist?

Takamiya : Yeah, I occasionally make a miracle poison for some client.

Amano : I see, Let's talk about the movie.

Takamiya : Okay

Amano : Compare to TBT, is it different?

Takamiya : I believe that Hikaru says the same. In TBT, I played most of the time. In this one, I just appear in the end.

Amano : Yes, he did comment the same. So do you enjoy working with him?

Takamiya : You mean Hikaru ? Of course

Amano : So, is there a chance that you'll work with him again?

Takamiya : I hope so. Though, LittleNK complains that it's hard to make a movie involved …you know, medical stuff, but I think she do enjoy it.

Amano : Oh, I'm glad to hear that. I hope to see you again.

Takamiya : So am I. Amano-san

Amano : Thank you, Dr.Takamiya.

Takamiya : Thank you, Amano-san.

Amano : Thank you all the fan, Unfortunately, time's up. Thank you. See you again.

* * *

A/N : Do you like it? 


End file.
